Perfectionism - Healthy or Not?
“I’m a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring “good enoughist””
Is perfectionism healthy?
This is definitely a topic that I’ve been forced to mull over quite a few times in life and once again came up recently as I found myself struggling to achieve the elusive work/life balance.
I’m definitely a perfectionist, I think everyone in my family is to an extent. I’ve always had high standards and been a high achiever - at school I was an A+ student, I received two First Degree qualifications with honours and have always given 100% to all my endeavours. However, my health suffered in the past as a result and I’m definitely guilty of not stopping to smell the roses or spend more down time with my loved ones, or simply relax!
When it comes to working with clients I have a constant struggle with saving energy for myself. It’s not just about my reputation, although I’m aware that’s a part of it. However, I’m also aware that a lot of what I do goes largely unnoticed. One very real aspect is that I do actually care, a lot, and want to impact people’s lives, sprinkle some magic and add value. However there’s often not a lot of thought in that process for my own balance and wellbeing and that’s something I’ve been trying to adjust.
But it’s a painful aspect of being a perfectionist - to work at a standard that is anything less than perfect - is in fact painful.
Not all perfectionism is negative
Being a perfectionist in the positive sense means you have high standards, you care about people, you want to add value and you are striving to push the boundaries of your own capabilities. All of that can bring wonderful growth and impact yourself and others positively. Healthy perfectionism is adaptive, not rigid, so the plus side there are the following good qualities:
✓ high standards
✓ persistence in the face of adversity
✓ conscientiousness
✓ being driven to do well
However, the key factor here is the word adaptive. Essentially you’re not emotionally involved in your perfectionism. You’re not crushed when things don’t turn out as planned (insert despondent), you have space in your mind for not always being able to give 100% and you don’t feel that giving anything less than perfect will mean you are de-valued, a failure or impact your self-esteem and confidence.
Unhealthy perfectionism is a painful state
When trying to discern whether you are simply trying to push yourself creatively or are pushing yourself out of the fear of not being perfect, here are some traits to watch out for:
✓ the all or nothing mindset
✓ being highly critical
✓ unrealistic standards
✓ fear of failure
✓ procrastination
✓ depressed by unmet goals
It’s this kind of perfectionism that drives us beyond our capacity, leaves us burnt out and exhausted and full of fear about the consequences of not living up to our own high ideals. There is a lot to be said for trying your best and putting energy into your work but next time you find yourself getting emotionally involved, take a moment to notice which perfectionism is operating.
Are you driving yourself to do better, or are you driving yourself to burn out?
Are you being kind to yourself?
Are you keeping space for your own well-being?
Is it ok if this project doesn’t go well or doesn’t receive praise?